I pick cake.
After the violent unsolved murder of Allison Grodner, Rachel Reilly steps in as producer while CBS tries to cast the first ever Celebrity Big Brother. In this 100% unscripted show, Rachel meets with various celebrities (who often have no idea who she is, that Big Brother is a show, or how she got into their house). Each episode finds Rachel pursuing an A-List star and winding up with their sort-of-famous half brother or something. As the season goes on, she finds that she has casted no one but D-listers and has-beens.
Guest stars may include past Big Brother contestants, who have connections to certain Stars that Rachel tries to exploit, usually to disastrous consequences.
Reasons why I think this would be a great show:
-Brendon only appears via phone call once every 3 episodes. Rachel is better television without him.
- Rachel is at her best when she has a goal in mind, and becomes a HOT mess when she almost gets there but falls short.
-Rachel would find herself in the real world, away from BB cameras. And getting told-off by real celebrities would bring her down a notch… for like 2 seconds and then she’d be the same old Rachel we all love. Basically, it has Rachel at her craziest for Rachel fans. And she also gets bullied a lot, for Rachel haters. No matter who you are, you have a reason to tune in.
Below is what happens when Rachel tries to recruit for her show.
Rachel Diary Room:
Big Brother put ME in charge of casting. Too bad this isn’t an All-Star season, or I’d cast myself and bookie.
*Rachel’s office*
Fabulous Jason (Rachel’s star-struck assistant): I’ve got meetings set up all over town, you better get going.
Rachel: Thanks FabJase! Whose on the agenda today? *adjusts hair* *applies acne cream*
Fabulous Jason: Dame Judy Dench is on the Sony lot, I got-
Rachel interrupts: Who the fuck is Judy Dench? Like ewwww I’ve never even heard of her!
Fabulous Jason: She’s pretty famous...I mean- *jason pulls her up on google images*
Rachel: She looks like my grandmother. I could probably cast my grandmother instead and nobody would know the difference.
Fabulous Jason: Yeah, fuck Judy Dench. We hate her. But I do have one meeting you definitely want to go see.
*later- in the car*
Rachel: So, we’re on our way to Whoopi Goldberg’s house. Jason couldn’t get in touch with her agent, but he did find out where she lives so we’re going to go all out and get her on the show! Ohhhhmygosh I am SO excited. I’ve been a fan of Whoopi ever since I was sick that one time and saw her on Hollywood Squares.
*violin music*
I just miss Brendon so much. He’s my heart and soul. I’d set myself on fire and dance for him if that’s what he wanted. And just so anyone knows, I took this with me, so he can’t mess around while I’m gone.
*Rachel opens her purse, the camera sees a webcam in there*
*Rachel walks up to Whoopi’s door and knocks until she answers*
Whoopi: What’s goin on?
Rachel: Hello!!! I’m Rachel Reilly from Big Brother 12 and 13 and I was hoping to talk to you about coming on a celebrity edition of the show!
Whoopi: Honey child I don’t BELIEVE in Big Brother! I believe in Sister Act 2, Slim Fast, and hating George W. Bush. He’s not going to be on the show, is he?
Rachel: No… but that’s a really good idea. *writes it down*
Whoopi: *slams door*
Rachel notices that part of her flowing dress has been caught in the door, and try as she might, she cannot get it undone.
Rachel: “Miss Goldberg!”
Whoopi: GET OWTTTT!
Rachel strips the dress off and runs to the car in her underwear.
*sobbing*
I can’t do this anymore! Whoopi Goldberg stole my dress, Natalie Portman slapped me, and I got spit on by two of the Jackson Five! I HATE BIG BROTHER!
*commercial break*
